


My Love, My Life

by nonusauce



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Heavy Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 18:57:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18288263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonusauce/pseuds/nonusauce
Summary: Wonwoo thought that they could last for eternity, but he forgot that "nothing could last forever."





	My Love, My Life

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, magic beans. Okay, so this story was first posted in my Twitter and I decided to remake(?) it into a much more fuller version. This was inspired and based on the movie, "Through Night and Day." Also, this was heavily influenced by the song "My Love, My Life" by Abba. I've been thinking of how will I deliver this story, like if will I make a chaptered one or a series, but just decided for a one-shot since I am running our of ideas that may place in between. So for me to release(?) my idea, I made this quick! To be honest, I was surprised of the word count, from 900+ to 3000+! Anyway, I'm happy that I finally finished this~ Enjoy reading! Sending love from Mars!
> 
> (The characters and settings are purely fictional. The views in the story only reflect those of the author's.)

_Like an image passing by_

_My love, my life_

_In the mirror of your eyes_

_My love, my life_

For Mingyu, their story started when his friends, specifically Minghao, set him up on a blind date with the hopes for him to fall in love again after his dreadful break-up with his first girlfriend aka his first love. It was his birthday then, giving Minghao the great opportunity of getting Mingyu his special “gift.” He went to _17 Carat_ , a small café around the area, as instructed by the Chinese man. There he met Wonwoo, a quiet boy who may seem intimidating at first with his face’s sharp features and all, but he discovered that Wonwoo is the total opposite, being quirky and funny if you get to know him well enough. During those times, Mingyu was undeniably drawn to Wonwoo’s subtle confidence.

Of course, the unexpected meeting was awkward at first, too awkward that made Wonwoo think of leaving. But Mingyu stopped him, given that Minghao already paid for their reservation. Mingyu thought that some food will not hurt. The two of them can just eat peacefully, minding their own businesses. But that didn’t happen, mainly because Mingyu has a big mouth that can never shut up for a minute. His dumb questions grew into a lengthy heart-to-heart conversation of the most random things in the world. 

As time passed by, they both got strangely comfortable with each other, even though they have so much differences. They both became friends, then to very good friends, then to best friends, then to something that they can’t label anymore.

But for Wonwoo, it’s a completely different story. Since their first year of high school, he already has his eyes set on Mingyu. Love at first sight? Nah, it was something more than that. Wonwoo has been always the lover of details, and being observant helped him to notice every single thing about Mingyu, ranging from his face to his personality. Despite his huge crush on the tall boy, Wonwoo has already accepted that he can only ‘look’ from afar. He didn’t make any effort for Mingyu to notice him, knowing that he basically didn’t stand a chance against the taller boy’s ‘first love.’ He didn’t want to initiate a conversation that may leave him a broken heart.

On the other hand, Jun and Soonyoung, being Wonwoo’s best-est friends, cannot let Wonwoo continue to live a boring life. When opportunity stroke, the two found ways to spice their friend’s life up. It was never a foreign thing to know Wonwoo’s crush on Mingyu, thus they collaborated with Minghao, a friend of Jun back in China knowing that he’s Mingyu’s friend. Wonwoo was not dumb though, and got the gist of the blind date, but Jihoon insisted that he should just attend, so Jun and Soonyoung can already shut up. This pushed Wonwoo to agree because he cannot refuse Jihoon, never in his life.

 

 

 

_I can see it all so clearly_

_Answer me sincerely_

_Was it a dream, a lie_

What happened after that planned fateful meeting was extremely surreal for Wonwoo. He found himself being constantly in Mingyu’s company. They seem to both gravitate towards each other. To be honest, Wonwoo was already contented to be Mingyu’s friend, not wanting to ask for more. But after a while, he became more confused of Mingyu’s subtle glances, or those strangely fond smiles with canines. Wonwoo is not dense, he can take a hint that something is up, something that he never thought will actually happen in real life. But he was scared that he was just reading too much on these. What if he’s wrong? He would get his heart broken, and would destroy the friendship built between them.

To Wonwoo’s surprise and to his liking, Mingyu is the one who confessed, during their stay in a beach resort when they went to a 2-day long field trip. As the words left Mingyu’s mouth, Wonwoo gaped, not uttering a single word, letting the night wind and the sound of the waves blanket them. He cannot believe every bit of the confession for it is too good to be true, like a dream he thought that he can never achieve. Well, it is truly like a dream, for both of them. Mingyu never thought that he can have the audacity to love again after his past relationship, while Wonwoo never imagined that his love (that was once only a crush) can actually be reciprocated.

Being like other couples out there, they have their own goals. After graduation, they moved in together, minds overflowing of ideas on how they will live their life with each other. They made a bucket list of all the simplest things, like Wonwoo back hugging Mingyu while the latter was making breakfast, or of all the bizarre things that they cannot achieve right away, just like their plan for a week-stay in Paris. With these they were both happy, hearts full of contentment and excitement for their days to come.

But things went downhill shortly, as they reach the end of their youth, towards the harsh reality of adulthood.

 

 

 

_Like reflections of your mind_

_My love, my life_

_Are the words I try to find_

_My love, my life_

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo calls the said man with anger laced in his tone. “Don’t tell me you forgot our _anniversary_.”

“Wonwoo, I’m so sorry. It’s not my intention to forget.” Mingyu replies tightly.

Wonwoo inhales sharply, as if trying to calm down his self but to no avail. “ _But you still did._ ”

“I was busy, okay?” The taller says defeatedly.

“So what? I am _busy_ , too, Mingyu. But I _did not_ forget.”

Mingyu frowns. “You’re being childish, Wonwoo. It’s just a date.”

Wonwoo laughs bitterly and quite hysterically. “You call this childish? Just a date?! I can’t believe you can say that. It’s our _fucking_ anniversary, Kim Mingyu.”

Mingyu just sighs, not knowing how to reply anymore. He doesn’t like where this conversation is going. “I know, and I’m sorry. I was really busy, I swear.”

“So you prioritize your _work_ more than me?” Wonwoo asks with a dangerous tone.

“What the hell? Wonwoo, I love you but my world doesn’t only revolve around you!” Mingyu snaps at Wonwoo, then massages his temples. He didn’t come back home for a fight, not after his shitty day at work.

“Well, _mine do_. Are you telling me that you don’t love me as much as I love you?” Tears silently fill Wonwoo’s eyes, and Mingyu can’t help but to be worried about him.

“Wonwoo, _no_. That’s not what I—” But he didn’t finish his sentence as Wonwoo violently rushes to their room then slamming the door on Mingyu’s face.

Heavy silence filled the house and Mingyu can’t do anything but to wallow in frustration.

 

 

For the next days, their fights escalated. Every morning, they are arguing at the simplest things, as if they’re both trying to find a reason to fight that’s not even worthy of fighting for. Wonwoo is easily irked by Mingyu’s little misgivings, and Mingyu reciprocates Wonwoo’s irritation. These senseless conflicts made Mingyu to stay out late, not wanting to go back home, if he may still call it _home_. He just freeloads at his officemate’s house or spends the night at his workplace, because he can’t bear to be worked up every single time that he sees Wonwoo.

Mingyu thinks why Wonwoo suddenly became unbearable. It’s like a whole different Wonwoo, not the considerate and gentle one whom he loved. He can’t pinpoint when exactly did it go wrong. But one thing is for sure, their relationship is getting more toxic as time passes by. It will never work out, not when Wonwoo doesn’t give him the chance to fix everything, not when Wonwoo doesn’t make an effort to _fix them_.

The gap between them widens. No news from each other at all, no texts, no calls. It’s as if they’re strangers again. Mingyu started to scout for a decent apartment unit, thinking that sooner or later he’ll leave that house.

And he’s right, because Wonwoo messaged him to go to 17 Carat, the café where Wonwoo and him first met. Mingyu enters the place with no particular emotion, he just wants everything to end.

 

           

At the sight of Mingyu, Wonwoo fidgets on his seat. He missed Mingyu so much, but he can’t tell the man now. Wonwoo is disappointed with himself, for treating Mingyu like shit, but he can’t beg for Mingyu to stay with him, he can’t beg Mingyu for forgiveness. _Especially not now_.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo starts in a small voice. “Long time no see.”

Mingyu just curtly nods. Wonwoo gulps, hands shaking which he forces to stop under the table, unnoticed by Mingyu. “I… I think we should end this. This is not going to work for us.”

A moment of silence hung over them, before Mingyu decides to speak. “I think so, too.”

Wonwoo chokes back a sob, he has to look okay in front of Mingyu. “Okay,” His voice breaks but not enough to be heard by Mingyu. “So, is this really goodbye now?” He gathers the courage to look straight at Mingyu’s eyes.

“Yes.” The latter replies with no hesitation.

This is really a goodbye.

 

 

 

_But I know I don't possess you_

_So go away, God bless you_

_You are still my love and my life_

_Still my one and only_

 

"Are you really going to his wedding?" Seungcheol asks Wonwoo as they prance around the dressing room. It's three hours before Mingyu's wedding and they're still not ready.

"Yes, hyung. Help me, quick."

It’s been five years since Mingyu and Wonwoo broke up. To say that it was terrible was an understatement, especially for Wonwoo. He never intended to hurt Mingyu, but the circumstances were vile, and he has no other option given that their relationship was already falling apart. Break-up is the only option to prevent themselves from hurting each other further.

"But Wonwoo, I know you still love him and you're going to hurt yourself if—"

Wonwoo cuts the older. "Hyung, it’s been a long time already. I swear it's okay. If he's happy now, then I’m happy too. That's what I want for him."

Seungcheol sighs loudly, not convinced that Wonwoo's fine. He is Wonwoo’s greatest friend, but not only a friend, he’s more like a brother. He is the one who helped the latter to recover from his dreadful heartache, the only one who knows Wonwoo’s current grave condition. This is making Seungcheol upset because most of the people, including their closest friends, continue to blame Wonwoo for the downfall of a precious relationship.

But if they knew the truth, they wouldn’t have the strength to blame Wonwoo at all.

Seungcheol can see straight through Wonwoo’s lies. He knows that his friend has already accepted that Mingyu will be soon married to his first love. But that doesn’t mean that he can’t be hurt.

“Wonwoo,” Seungcheol says, forcing Wonwoo to look at him in the eyes. “You can tell me everything. You don’t have to pretend.”

It doesn’t take a minute for Wonwoo to tear up. Seungcheol immediately embraces him, his eyes also glistening because the sight of his friend hurting also hurts his heart.

“Of course, it’s not fine. I still love him, but I know that it’s hopeless, hyung. It’s already too late. I don’t want to ruin his happiness. He deserves someone better, unlike me who will only hurt him.”

Seungcheol is tight-lipped, knowing that no word can relieve the pain that Wonwoo has been feeling. He just hopes that he can somehow be a support to his friend.

Wonwoo wipes his tears, exhales and proceeds to fix his clothes. Seungcheol just stares at him worriedly.

“Wonwoo—”

But before Seungcheol can even finish, Wonwoo cuts him off. “Seungcheol hyung, I will _attend_ the wedding. It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

Wonwoo smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

When they are already set to go, Seungcheol raises another concern. “What are you going to do with that scar? Aren’t you going to hide it?”

“Nah, I’ll just tell him that I got in a car accident.”

 

 

The venue of the wedding is breath-taking, the set-up is garden-like even though they are in the church. Garden roses are lined up on the aisle, petals scattered on the red carpet. The light from the chandeliers filled the place, making the mood royal and pure. Wonwoo deeply inhales, calming himself down. He clenches his fists and walks inside the church. He can do it— _he has to_ , for a clean slate. For Mingyu to find his peace, even if Wonwoo doesn’t find his.

As the church bell rings, Mingyu enters Wonwoo’s sight, looking as ethereal as always. He has a genuine smile on his face, excited but nervous, for the wedding to commence. Wonwoo thinks that _he_ can never make Mingyu smile like that. Maybe his decision is really for the good.

Wonwoo forces to smile at the younger, but with his heart breaking again inside. Mingyu spots Wonwoo, his face lighting up, and heads to the older’s direction. Some of his friends are still hesitant to let Mingyu approach Wonwoo, because they know of the two’s past, but Mingyu just shoots them a reassuring smile. In a matter of seconds, Mingyu is standing tall in front of Wonwoo.

“Hey,” Mingyu starts.

“Hi, long time no see. I see that you’re happy.” Wonwoo manages to say without stuttering.

Mingyu softly smiles. “Yeah, I am. Thanks, hyung.”

Wonwoo is taken aback because of Mingyu’s sudden show of gratefulness. “I— For what?”

“For letting me go.”

And just like that, Wonwoo’s heart bleeds, bleeding with love for the person in front of him, his love that is too late to be reciprocated. He is surprised with himself that he still hasn’t broke down in front of Mingyu. Because those words are too much for him. Because he is still stuck in the past, a part of his life that he will never forget, a chapter that he will never regret, even though it’s painful to bear. But Wonwoo just chuckles, as if he’s completely moved on.

“You know, you don’t have to thank me. In fact, I should be the one to thank you, for inviting me in this important event in your life, even though I ruined our past. Thank you, ‘Gyu, and I’m sorry.”

“Hyung, I… I forgave you a long time ago, or maybe I wasn’t mad at you at all. And maybe, having you here is another step for me to move on.” Mingyu soothingly says.

“I understand. Maybe I need this, too.” Wonwoo replies, tears tempting to fall from his eyes.

“Oh, and I’m sorry for not making you my best man. I think it will be inappropriate given that… _you know_.”

Wonwoo just nods, his mind thinking that he has to get out of Mingyu’s sight, or else he will be making himself look pathetic. “I know, don’t worry it’s not really a big deal. It’s enough that you invited me today. Anyway, congratulations on your wedding, Mingyu. I guess first love really never dies. So, I’ll head to my seat?” Wonwoo excuses himself, because he can feel himself near to crying.

“Wonwoo hyung, wait!”

Wonwoo turns back to Mingyu, confusion evident on his face.

“What happened to that scar behind your head?”

“ _Oh_ , I just got in a car accident.”

Mingyu worriedly looks at Wonwoo. “Are you okay now?”

“ _Yes_ , Mingyu. I’m fine.”

 

 

 

_Yes, I know I don't possess you_

_So go away, God bless you_

_You are still my love and my life_

_Still my one and only_

  

"Hello, Seungcheol hyung? Are you coming tonight?" Mingyu asks Seungcheol over the phone. It's his birthday today, and he somehow wanted to hold a reunion with all his friends.

Seungcheol's breathing was ragged, as if he's crying for a long time already.

"Hyung?" Mingyu asks again, but he is just answered by heavy sobs. He catches Seungcheol utter Wonwoo's name. "What? Did something happen to Wonwoo?"

It takes a long while for Seungcheol to calm down, and when he does, he delivers a grave news. "Wonwoo— He— He's gone."

Mingyu freezes then laughs nervously. "Wha— Hyung, stop _joking_. It's not funny."

Seungcheol cries harder over the phone. Mingyu can literally hear his older friend shaking, and it’s enough for an unfortunate confirmation. "I— I'm telling the truth. He— he— just died a while ago."

Mingyu’s strength leaves him as he slumps on the floor. It's as if the world collapsed on top of him. Mingyu doesn't realize that he's crying too, he furiously wipes away his tears.

"Where are you now?"

Seungcheol tells Mingyu the hospital address and without sparing any second, he drives towards the hospital.

 

 

Mingyu arrives and spots Seungcheol crying in front of Wonwoo's room. Now, Mingyu knows that this is true, that this is not just a terrible dream. He can't grasp the truth. He doesn't want to accept the grim news. How can the person who just recently sent his regards on Mingyu’s wedding can suddenly die? How can his ex-lover suddenly be gone?

"Where is he?"

Seungcheol weakly points at Wonwoo's bed, where Wonwoo's body is covered by a white cloth. Mingyu slumps to his knees, having no strength to stand. He gently removes the cloth covering Wonwoo's face. He cries as he sees Wonwoo's face which already lost its color, thin and unliving, yet peaceful, gentle and calm, as if he's just sleeping. For hours he mourns, tears never ending from pouring.

 

 

Mingyu sits with Seungcheol at the hospital's lobby, since the body was already moved and they can't stay in the room any longer. "What's the cause of death?" Mingyu solemnly asks without looking at Seungcheol. He was answered by silence at first, but soon the older speaks.

"Brain tumor."

Mingyu whips towards the older. " _What?_ I never heard of this."

Seungcheol just looks at Mingyu sadly. "Because he doesn't want you to know.”

“Am I the only one who doesn’t know?”

“No, I am the _only_ one who _knows_.”

Mingyu is taken aback, not knowing what to say. "Since when did he have that?"

Seungcheol stays silent, hesitating to tell Mingyu. But at the end, he gives in, because Mingyu deserves to know.

"Some time after college."

Mingyu heart sinks, he can’t help to bury his face in his hands. "How come I did not notice?"

Seungcheol shakes his head. "Brain tumor is hard to notice. Its symptoms are not... evident. Like severe headaches, vision problems," Seungcheol pauses for a while, thinking. If he tells Mingyu the last symptom, the younger may blame himself for it, because it is a symptom that Mingyu knows too well. "Or change in behavior."

Mingyu uncontrollably sobs, whole body shaking because of what he heard. "That's why he became different." Mingyu says with so much pain in his voice. Seungcheol chokes back a sob.

Mingyu thinks of all those times they fought about senseless things. Mingyu regretted not being patient with Wonwoo, how he reciprocated Wonwoo’s anger. How he fought fire with fire. How he handled the situation not as an adult. He realizes that it’s not Wonwoo’s fault at all. The downfall of their relationship was not because Wonwoo messed up. It was Mingyu who failed. It was him who forgot to keep his promise. His promise that he will be with Wonwoo until the end of time, through rain or shine, through ups and downs. But Mingyu _failed_.

Seungcheol looks at Mingyu who became silent. “Mingyu, it’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, okay? It’s the goddamn tumor.”

But what can Mingyu do? He can’t help but to blame himself. If he knew Wonwoo’s burden, will something change?

 

 

 

—end

—send me your tots on [twt](https://twitter.com/nonusauce) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/nonusauce)!

 

 

 

 

 


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